Ok first things first…

Is it me or does Carole look like Biffa Bacon’s mother out of Viz?

Yeah, there was a task. It was Big Brother’s birthday celebrations and the different housemates had to perform different roles to entertain BB, for example two had to be clowns, one had to be a musician (Brian…bless), another had to be a magician (with assistant). In honesty though, there was more entertainment going on outside the task as the relationships between housemates slowly continued to erode.

First off, Brian decided the time was ripe to cut his own hair with clippers.

Bad move…this poor sod shouldn’t be let near anything sharp without an attendant and possibly a medical team on hand for emergencies. The only thing missing from his haircut was the pair of knickers he should have worn on his head afterwards. He came away from the experience looking like a cross between Edmund Blackadder and Cadfael. Oh and he managed to cut his ear open while he was at it. Still he seemed happy enough and that’s the main thing innit?

Moving on to Charley, her promises of turning over a new leaf didn’t last that long. She was kicking off (again) tonight against Channelle and…well anyone who would give her the breathing room to be honest. I put it to you dear reader that she is still trading on the elevated power and social status that surviving a fake eviction has bestowed upon her. She’s doing bloody well on it as well. She’s dining out in style on the fact that she can do whatever she wants and seemingly get away with it. Still, even a free lunch will repeat on you eventually and when her newfound aura wears off she might be riding for a fall.

Ziggy was the centre of more than one argument tonight, naturally ‘coconut head’ Channelle was one protagonist; once again she was in the mood to boil the bunny (best thing for them in my opinion). Cue tears, bulging tendons in the neck and hysterics to the point where I almost felt sorry for the poor guy. Then he found himself on the wrong side of Carole (is there a right side?).

It would seem Carole has been drinking from the same water as Nicky, in other words ‘the eternal spring of the moaning sow’. She had bugger all to do tonight but dampen everyone’s attempts to have fun. Her targets were the twins and Ziggy (baaaad move, nobody puts the babies in the corner). Their crimes…splashing about in the pool. No biggie, trust me…this is one argumentative night that will bite Carole in that upholstered arse come nomination day next week (Oh and get a shave dear, the last time I saw stubble like that was on the cover of The Dandy).

Nicky meanwhile continued to sow the seeds of hatred against anything with a penis (nobody likes you Nicky, you wonder why you haven’t got a boyfriend…its ‘cos you are a witch that’s why!). It got old, it got boring reeeeeally quickly. And shame on her for using Channelle as a template, nay a channel for her hatred of masculinity. One bad experience with a bloke doesn’t tar the gender luv, deal with it as someone else might say.

Gerry was philosophical about his nomination and proved if anything to be unwittingly consolidating himself as a favourite to stay. He did nothing dramatic but he made all the right noises to make himself likeable and now Jonathan has gone he has took on an almost patriarchal role in the house.

The twins meanwhile, giggled and squeaked and splashed in the pool, got a bollocking off Carole and looked hurt. Wouldn’t it be funny if they turned evil and stood at the end of her bed brandishing knives and evil smiles in the middle of the night….or is that just something that has passed through my head during my lonely BB vigil.

Liam and Tracey meanwhile did…well nothing of consequence. And as for the task…well when you’ve got background noise like this…who cares (really, it was rubbish).

Stay tuned.