Listen carefully everyone; if you put your ear to the tube of your television then you can hear the sound of a barrel being scraped. Yep, four days into the New Year and the reality television bandwagon for 2006 is off and rolling.

Celebrity Big Brother courtesy of Channel 4 and Endemol is a dry run for the summer’s reality fest. A scaled down version of the “real” show with a motley assemblage of Z list celebrities who a) you thought were dead b) haven’t worked in years c) probably won’t work again after the whole thing is over.

Nonetheless we’ve got the potential for car crash television at its finest here. After all what do you get when you mix a down on his luck family entertainer with a penchant for slightly exuberant parties (Michael Barrymore), an eighties one hit wonder who has taken the concept of cosmetic surgery to lengths that are almost as bizarre as Michael Jackson (Pete Burns). A second rate red carpet loiterer and sometimes model with a nose that looks like its been chipped out of a block of wood (Jodie Marsh). Minder’s ex wife (Rula Lenska), Someone who was in Baywatch after everybody stopped watching it (Tracy Bingham). A hell raising basketball player with piercings (Dennis Rodman). A woman famous for shagging half the F.A including Sven (Faria Alam). A comedy rapper (Maggot from Goldie Looking Chain) an indie kid (Preston from The Ordinary Boys), and finally a rogue politician and alleged friend of Saddam (George Galloway).

…oh and a civilian with no celebrity credentials whatsoever who has to convince everyone she is a pop star in order to stay in the house (Chantelle).


Like I said car crash television. Of course the house is back, this time armed with a sauna possibly hot enough to melt the plastic enhancements that adorn most of the cast and BB wouldn’t be BB without Davina McCall leaking exuberance from every pore. There are enough potential conflict merchants in this mix to cause sparks from the outset.

There are of course those that say watching Big Brother is sad, that there are better things I and you for that matter could be doing with our time. After all despite everything it could very well be crap.

Somehow the desperation levels within a number of contestants make me doubt it somewhat. If I was a betting man I would have money on the amount of toe curling moments of embarrassment being high this time round. The potential for a celebrity meltdown in front of the viewing millions, hopefully off the scale.

Bring it on!