You may ‘swell keep those black armbands on from Steve Irwin’s memorial because we’ve got some more sad news for you: the usual wit-filled, nonsensical, waffling Free London babble you so eagerly devour every Friday has, unfortunately (for some – fortunate for others) met an untimely end. Boooo!

For only one week. Huzzaaaaah!

We hope.

Blame London, she did it. These things don’t just write themselves, you know?! There does come a time when people need time to be at home to show a steady stream of criminals and freaks through their house in the hope that one of them might, one day, become flatmate number 5, 10, 289, whatever, who’s been keeping count? These things take time.

Then there’s the fricking – yeh, FRICKING – Northern Line with its “9 minutes until the next Southbound train” business. That takes time. And don’t forget going to Sainsbury’s for din-dins. Time. And meeting up with chums for a few shifties. Time. And making use of that gym membership that started gathering dust 20 seconds after you bought it back in January. Time. And wait, Lost is on as well!! Arrhhhhhh! Time.

Ok. Settle down. So this might just be the laziest article ever written but isn’t it nice to dispense with the over-inflated intros once in a while and just get right down to it? In fact, let’s not squander any more precious moments (as we can clearly see you reaching for the mouse and dragging it over the link marked “I’m already bored of this crap, now take me somewhere else”)….

This week London is jizzing out the jazz, drawing characters from your childhood and selling off some blonde bimbos that are WAY-HAY-HAY out of your price bracket, mister. Intriguing, nes pas? AND they all bear the mark of approval with that welcoming, and now customary, ?0.00 price tag, naturally. Let’s keep it simple and let you do the leg work. Four things to do, four links to check. We’ll let the rest write itself.

Enjoy your free week.