Happy Australia Day one and all, especially you lot who are overseas who will miss the great tradition of cracking your first beer open at 10am for the backyard barbie, bowling like Warney in a serious game of backyard cricket, listening to Triple Js Hottest 100 and arguing over who should be in the top ten and marvel at Powderfingers greatness to make it in there yet again.

So, all those people who aren’t Australian have probably never wondered what it’s like to be Aussie on Australia Day (January 26th) so the below is something which was emailed to me by a True Blue from Perth, my mate DG:

Being Australian is:

  • Spending the day in the sun and wading through the pool with your shirt off and only remembering to put sunscreen on after you look like a lobster.
  • Breakout in spontaneous chorus to sing Advance Australia Fair at the top
    of your lungs only to stop halfway through when you realise you only
    know the first verse and chorus.
  • Finding the least drunk person out of your mates to drive you down to South Perth foreshore to join the masses of other proud Aussies.
  • Looking over at all the people on the north side and snigger at them because nothing compares to those south of the river.
  • Pulling out the footy and have a game of kick to kick over the top of 5 familys there having a picnic and abuse them for getting in the way when the footy
    lands on one of their kids.
  • Pulling out the hackey and trying to achieve a double hack with 15 people in the circle all blind drunk.
  • Watching and laughing as the coppers grab a group of underages and tip their beers out while you sit on your 10 eskys packed to the brim, then doing the good old Oz thing and giving the same underages a 6 pack to drink, but only if they shotgun them.
  • Sitting back and watch in awe as the numerous planes, helicopters and parachuters perform their stunts to only achieve a loud cheer and applause when one of the parachuters gets stuck on one of the WACA light towers.
  • To sit back and watch the fireworks display that is better and more expensive then last year to the tune of Phil Collins ‘Can you Feel it’ in the background, marvell at how the radio station for the skyshow has changed 4 times over recent years but the soundtrack is still the same
  • Giving up waiting 10 mins to go to the portaloo and join everyone else and piss in the bush
  • Watching the explosion of colour and light and think how much better it would be if they condensed all of the fireworks into 2 minutes instead of spreading it out over half an hour
  • Spending the next hour and a half stuck in traffic trying to get out of south perth and sticking your head out the window and joining in the cry of Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi!
  • To finally get home and to the thought of ‘i aint going to do much at work tomorrow’ – you pass out with a proud smile on your face and thank god that you are an Australian, and finally wake in the morning and grab the West Australian off the front lawn and sit down to read the front page with your bowl of Corn Flakes to the headline ‘Drunken hooligans ruin the skyshow’ and recognise them as being the group of underages you gave a 6 pack to!

Happy Australia Day!