As we saunter through a year where misbegotten musical reunions rain down on us like a shower of shit yet another part of pop history rises from the slab to greet us with a cheery smile and the promise of ‘new material’. Yes folks, this time round Bananarama have reformed (sort of) and with the promise of a new album on the horizon they drop their new single ‘Love Comes’ on Sept 7th. If you listen carefully you can hear the crack of the whip as the dead horse gets flogged and some twat at the label lifts his head from a fat line and says “I’ve just had a cracking idea…”.
I wouldn’t bloody mind but as reformations go there’s only two of them. Siobahn for some reason wouldn’t come to the party and they couldn’t even get the weird looking stunt double to turn up either which frankly says a lot about this endeavor. As singles go it sounds nothing whatsoever like Bananarama, I mean really, it could be anyone singing this, formulaic pop fodder which wouldn’t even raise a sing a long at the kebab end of a night. Absolutely fucking pointless.
Speaking of pointless, I’m now listening to Beverley Knight’s new single ‘Beautiful Night’. Now this one is interesting because I have often wondered just who listens to Beverley Knight records, I’ve honestly never met anyone who will own up to it. There’s no question that she has vocal ability but in this instance such is the desperation for a hit they have masked her with dense synth arpeggiation which while aiming for some level of chart action actually destroys….no, let me rephrase that…annihilates Knight’s vocal credibility completely. If ever there was a wrong song for the wrong artist this is it. Oh and the remixes from Crazy Cousinz are about as pleasing as sticking your hand in a deep fat frier, I doubt you will hear a worse suite of remixes this year. Again out on the 7th September.
Next up is the next single from Shena (who?) apparently spearheading the “Nu Disco” movement with her new release ‘Nasty Little Rumour’. Now as singles go, there are worse ways you can spend two minutes and fifty seconds of your time (what sort of length is that for a disco record, I mean for God’s sake), rather than go anything “nu” the production values on this one are slavishly trying to recreate something from the Chic stable. Like that’s ever going to happen? Well, no…but it’s inoffensive….and short (Out 7th Sept).
Bashy returns to threaten our attention spans with his new single ‘Your Wish’ with guest vocals from H Boogie. Bit of an odd one this, Bashy’s rhymes alternate between credible flows and staggering drunken lurches (stay with me it kind of works). H Boogie’s vocal drifts over a glacial electro backdrop that sounds like something Daft Punk might have thrown away. Yet strangely, I remained even tempered throughout. This might grow on you. (Out 7th Sept)
Following Bashy is Jade Ewen with her debut single ‘My Man’ which Pop Justice described as a “pop song with massive bo***cks”. Well, I’ve had a good look around and by my reckoning someone cut the fuckers off before I got here because I can’t find them. As singles go its a mainstream Cheryl pleaser with farty annoying synths and a by the numbers “belt it out” pop/soul vocal. Fans of this probably fall over drunk outside “sports bars” and eat burgers while sat next to bins on a Saturday night while getting filmed for “Britain’s Biggest Pisshead” type shows.
Finally Hey Negrita return with a slice of homespun Americana called ‘One Mississippi’, with its chug along railroad rhythm and guitar that leans gently against an almost deadpan storytelling vocal this does actually soothe rather than annoy. A million miles from my usual listening habits but almost as if by magic they draft in Chris Coco to overhaul the track into a weird “I wanna be glitch or maybe I wanna be ambient” remix. Quite possibly the strangest career move since Bananarama thought getting back together again was a good idea, this is out on August 31st.