Cleaning up our unofficial “Ministry Week” we’ve already looked at the good, the bad so I guess that just leaves us with the downright ugly to mop up with. Ministry’s X Rated Big Tunes is hands down the worst of the bunch I’ve had to look at this week. As a collection this one seems more preoccupied with catering to the fanboy mentality that is rife at the younger end of the market. The cover sports the obligatory sultry vixen that reaches out from the shelves to the nations youth as it grabs for the sale and of course the cash cow that is ringtones is what this type of music lends itself to perfectly.

Opening with the usual suspects (Supermode, The Egg…again?) these two are hitched up to the front of the wagon almost in a bid to lure the more impetuous punter away from his or her cash. Make no bones about it, the people who I suspect will get most from this particularly compilation are unlikely to be found in clubs. In fact the odds are its unlikely they are old enough to drink alcohol.

Apart from the odd “big tune” and I use that term incredibly loosely this is quite frankly one of the most painful “mix CD experiences” I have encountered in a long time. A succession of lukewarm covers and mediocre filler that come one after the other with such tenacity that after a while you find yourself losing the will to live.

At times you wonder if this collection can actually get worse but the relentless deluge just keeps on coming, hearing a housed up version of One Night In Bangkok is enough to bring tears to the eyes (and not in a good way). As the first disc ended I found myself clinging to the hope that the second one couldn’t possibly as awful. Maybe there was redemption loitering in the second offering.

Alas if anything it was worse. Twenty more tracks of a completely banal nature that signify all that is potentially bad about dance music today. The premise of “big tunes” is completely unfulfilled and makes for a completely unfulfilling experience as a result.

If there is one closing thought I can give you about this particular compilation it’s to avoid it as though your life depended on it.

These tunes aren’t big and they aren’t clever…