Ah, the music industry.
It’s a relentless fucker isn’t it.
Especially when it comes to boy bands, history dictates that puberty laden audiences will always go for the latest clutch of teen idols. Something to pine over as they lay in bed at night looking up at a poster with a dull ache in the heart and a tear in the eye. There’s usually a series of archetypes in each assembly line incarnation (a safe one, a goofy clowny one, a slightly dangerous one etc etc). The band will usually spawn a series of contrived hits about the opposite sex before one of them finds drugs and gets caught in a compromising scenario in a shed fucking a terrier (or something) and the whole kit and kaboodle comes a crashing down around their ears.
This brings me neatly to the latest boy band offering ‘Mindless Behavior’ who will soon be supporting Jason Derulo (Woo, I’ll be there…except I wont) on tour in Feb. A four piece collective who follow in the footsteps of bands like New Edition (which as we all remember set Bobby Brown on the road to rubbing crack into Whitney Houston’s eyes…or something). Sadly this latest mob are nowhere near as interesting or dangerous as their predecessors. The song is called ‘My Girl’ and its based around 13 year old’s waxing lyrical about how ‘she’s gonna text them after school’ before the obligatory dance breakdown….yawn..
Its autotuned ringtoned shit. You can imagine a blacked out van coming to their houses and kidnapping these poor little fuckers in the middle of the night and sending them to some form of brainwashing shitpop academy where they were taught to go ‘Uh’, ‘Yeah baby’ before having surgical dance implants wedged under the skin and the obligatory ‘white suits that boybands wear’ surgically grafted to their barely formed bodies.
The marketing people who are responsible for this should be knelt on the floor and shot in the back of the head because its tasteless, cynical exploitation with fuck all redeeming features about it.
Tickets are available from the link below, knock yourself out.