“ID please missy…”

The words haunt me… and I’m sure they will do so ’til the day I hit forty. Life’s hard for a grown woman who still looks eighteen – and that’s being generous.

In a world of botox, facelifts, liposuction and ‘nip-tuck-thank-you-very-much’, I’m trying desperately to look my age. Wrinkles are not in my game plan but I could sure do without my baby face. When I’m 40 and finally look 25 I’ll laugh I tell you – laugh in the face of your grey mop.

The bouncer who shattered my spirits accosted me on last week’s Australia Day. Perhaps it was a sign – a sign that the Aussie day of rest should well and truly be ‘put to rest’. I celebrated in the only way London dwelling Australians seem to know how; in the Walkabout.

The scene that met me inside wasn’t much better… large blow up marsupials, plastic surfboards and beer label emblazoned novelty hats. The ingenious marketing team at Fosters hit gold with that one. “Buy two pints, get a hat”. They obviously knew that an Aussie away from home was going to want one… two… three. When they ran out, plastic blue thongs took their place. (Flip-flops, you dirty sods).

As the beer flowed, the dishevelled loosened their ties, took off their shirts and donned their Aussie flag capes. The music pumped, our national anthem filled the air and we all joined as one – tears in our bloodshot eyes as “Advance Australia Fair” echoed through the hideous yellow and green construction.

My idea of hell – and I absolutely loved every second.

That’s more than enough patriotism to last me the rest of the year. Let’s move on to London affairs…

My midweek radio interview with rap/hip hop/metal group ‘Weapons of Mass Belief’ spiralled disturbingly quickly from their politically driven lyrics to waist high y-fronts and porn. I take no responsibility. At least they adhered to the Xstreameast Radio ‘no swearing policy’. The band have talent – think Rage Against the Machine meets the Pixies. They’re playing a free gig at Cargo on Thursday the 2nd of February. Head to www.cargo-london.com and download a free entry pass… I hear there’s also a free beer in it for you.

After recovering from my brush with disturbingly good-looking rockers, I got to thinking… what makes a good columnist?

Is it quick wit, a razor sharp pen and a deep well of knowledge? Or, do you just need to be an opinionated sod with no fear of speaking your mind?

Each week I strive to write about the weird and wonderful things that London has to offer, but I’ve decided to put the column in the hands of the masses. What do YOU want to hear about? Give me your suggestions… and challenge me to push the Katie Spain limits. I’ve made it my mission to bring you crazy event after crazy event. Sleep is not an option.

I want to cover stories I’d never otherwise consider… interview the weird and the wacky, dine in restaurants I never knew existed and scare myself witless. Put me in the London-living frontline, I dare you.

Each week, I’ll shortlist three crazy suggestions and readers can vote on the upcoming feature topic. Kind of like interactive journalism… with heels.

Over to you…