The United Kingdom is seemingly obsessed with the exploits of B and C
grade celebrities, I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ demanded
greater headlines than most world issues and we all know what a state
our world is in currently, this obsession with watching has-beens or
never-was’ tackle the great Australian ‘Jungle’ pales in comparison to
the daily struggle they have with each other on the Tube. There
is as much of a jungle on the infamous network as there will ever be in
Australia (rainforest, m’dears, rainforest). This inadequacy
could be reason to why the ever reliant public transport system is
inundated with rude, obnoxious, noisy and often sweaty people that
would sooner back right back over you than say sorry after barging
past. It doesn’t take much to turn and apologise for bumping
It is an epidemic of catastrophic proportions that has no end in sight
when generation after generation are taught the same thing.
The warnings are loud and clear ‘please allow passengers to alight
before boarding the train’ yet ignorance reins supreme as people barge
onto the train while people are trying to get out and look at you like
you have the plague if you have the audacity to say something.
This epidemic, this ignorance is compounded by the apparent need for
most commuter’s to chew themselves into early arthritis. What is
their fascination with gum? After all, it is cheaper than
toothpaste. Why do they seem to struggle with the concept of closing
their mouths when chewing, especially in confined spaces, the sounds
similar to what you’d expect to hear horny teenagers making behind
those proverbial bleachers really is the last thing one needs when they
are struggling with their own sinus issues on a crowded train when
you’re already late for work.
Manners are certainly something that we learn with time and maturity,
we are taught them from a young age but don’t really understand them or
appreciate their worth until we are much older. The evolution of
manners coincides quite incidentally with the unavoidable digression
into our parents. Please and thank you are quite simple
instructions, we know what they mean, we know why we use them,
straight-forward really. The main problem comes with ‘sorry’ it
seems that most London residents missed that lesson.
A country that is founded upon social stature and one that adheres to
that stature with such gusto even today into the 21st century, it
really is quite amazing their attitude towards manners and politeness
but when a high profile member of the Royal family is making statements
such as ‘What is wrong with people now? Why do they all seem to
think they are qualified to do things far beyond their technical
capabilities? It can hardly be surprising.
Politeness can be defined by the simple act of chewing with ones mouth
closed, refraining from talking whilst eating, excusing oneself after
burping and my personal favourite refraining from interrupting.
Sounds anal? Possibly but all are actions that you shouldn’t have
to think about, just do.
Aboard the tube today two beautifully dressed young people one male,
one female, very smart looking with brief cases and a daily newspaper –
The Guardian or The Times, one that promotes world news and not world
tits… my eyes scanned towards their faces where I noticed their mouths
moving at a rate that would have a ‘Sunset Boulevard’ professional
ashamed. When you can see the gum in ones mouth from a good 2-3
metres away then there is a problem.
What amazes me most is that these loud, open mouthed chewers – a
subsidiary branch from the cult group of crooked teeth, founded by the
infamous dentistlesssociety group are not ashamed in the least, do they
not annoy themselves? Do they not hear their own slurp, smuk,
splutter, slurp, smuk?? They probably gurgle and gulp their
coffee too and no one should mess with coffee, coffee is to be enjoyed
not slurped up, slurping coffee is a severe drinking problem, not
unlike that of Striker in the 1980 classic Airplane (Flying
High). Of course the view from atop my soap box allows me to see
all so clearly.
It’s impossible to compare nationalities, cultures, cities and
countries we are all different and as Fat Bastard said in ‘The Spy Who
Shagged Me’ we all love our own brand but for the Mother Land, the
founder of the English language to be so far removed from the friendly
cultures of her sisters in Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Australia, Canada
etc., it really does make one wonder how she’s managed to survive this
long and this strong.