Tuesday sees me casting my baleful bloodshot eye over a couple of new chart bound offerings (no great shakes, three family members and the residents of the local care home can secure you a top ten position these days).
Starting with Tasha Kenny (who?) and her new single ‘Oh! What You Did’ (my thoughts exactly) which is out on the 19th September. She’s another one of these seventeen year old identikit slightly gutsy would be soulful but is truly ten a penny singers. Adorning the sleeve of her release with enough pan stick foundation on her face to deflect a meteor strike.
The PR are telling me this is a marriage of ‘soulful worthiness and pop sensitivity’. Do me a fucking favour will you? This is a clumsy pop fumble with a vocal that lacks any kind of subtlety slumped over a dated parping and farting synth line with an accompanying rap that lacks energy or enthusiasm. Those in charge were dead at the wheel when this was being recorded. Vile.
Next up is Flo Rida. he of the carefully manicured beard and generally cliched rap appearance (body by 50 Cent, Hair by Action Man, shades by…well anyone). He’s like a rough assemblage of various rap parts sadly minus the talent. However let it be said that never got in the way of a ‘superstar team up’ more than likely designed to bring one or both artists into each other’s artistic demographic.
That’s what happens here with ‘Club Can’t Handle Me’ (out August 2nd) . David Guetta bolts together a forgettable tune he found on the floor of his studio that will do the trick with the ringtone markets and the mentally deficient or people who buy soundtrack albums (see, mentally deficient). This is the lead single from the ‘Step Up 3D’ album (in cinemas from August 6th) and yes kids it is another one of those dance flicks which is allegedly ‘a coming of age, feel good romance’…just the kind of thing that makes me want to jab pruning shears into my eyes.
Thankfully, todays clutch of singles is saved by the delightful Sarah Blasko. Who drifts in all unassuming and kicks the living crap out of the other two offerings I’ve covered here. An acoustic stomp along semi anthem that is once again draped in her wonderfully fluid tones, she’s all at once soulful and at the same time a little bit raw and forceful. It is easy to see why she’s won so many people over with her album ‘As Day Follows Night’. The single is out on August 30th.