Somebody up there really f*cking hates me.

I mean really!

Kicking off today’s singles is Enrique Igleasias. Apparently it’s ten years since he first started troubling us with his Latin flavoured lukewarm pop, it’s probably been ten years since he became the appendage of a lanky rubbish tennis player woman as well, it’s probably more like five years since he had his mole removed (but it could be more). And it’s probably about forty five seconds since I took the CD out of the player put it on the desk and smashed it repeatedly with my head. As I write these words through a haze of blood and tears I’d just like to say his new single ‘Away’ is not very good, with it’s suite of mild preset synths, allegedly emotive acoustic guitars and ‘Larry The Lamb’ tremulous vocals. Please God, why me…

Out on December 1st

Next up is McFly, I suppose I have to say something positive about this one because it’s for a good cause (Children In Need). It apparently continues the band’s new found direction of ‘heavier contemporary rock production’. In truth it sounds like something you might have heard in 1974 courtesy of someone like The Bay City Rollers. it’s almost quaint I suppose, thundering along like it does. If you’re looking for a giggle though have a listen to the falsetto vocal that keeps cropping up every now and again. You’d think his voice had broken about thirty seconds ago. Still, good causes and all that…

Out on Sunday November 23rd (digital)

Out on November 24th is the new single from Craig David ‘Insomnia’. Nothing to do with the Faithless track (I was worried for a second). it’s a highly polished prelude to his ‘Greatest Hits’ album which is out on November 17th. Utilising the in vogue talents of Jim Beanz (Timbaland) so expect a synth heavy piece that is loaded with thumpy thumpy 4/4 beats and the odd filter here and there. There is a certain catchiness to this one although the slightly anaemic backdrop does seem to blanch the vocal a touch. Good mixes could save this!

Finally we have the latest from The Pussycat Dolls, the most successful girl group who look like transvestites of the 21st Century (in my opinion) with their new single ‘I Hate This Part’. Plink plink pianos, cheap sounding drums and thickly produced vocals. It’s all over the radio, it will doubtless be number one before you know it. However it continues their trend of disposable pop. Sickly and vapid. The musical equivalent of waking up sweating with a nasty fever.

I’m off for a lie down…