In comparative terms it’s been a fairly quiet couple of days in the Big Brother house. The presence of one of this series’ biggest tasks so far has done just enough to break the long periods of boredom which have spawned so many of the rivalries and resultant slanging matches.
Big Brother has elected to place the housemates in a real life workforce environment (or as real as anything in the house is going to get). By splitting the housemates into different work groups and thereby different working hours there has been less opportunity for bitching and backbiting.
For example, Nikki was given the role of Big Brother’s personal assistant. This means she is “working” nine to five doing secretarial work for her “employer”. Her low tolerance for anything resembling real life however means that after only one hour of work she was bored and when she gets bored she throws hissy fits. With her super enunciated vocalisations she did provide some of the twisted entertainment that she is now becoming famed for.
Lisa has been employed as the house cleaner, the veritable Mrs Mopp and in fairness to her you should see her going at it with a shammy and polish. If she did this in real life, she would be a credit to her profession. Lea and Sam meanwhile are security guards working the night watch on the house. Quite frankly if I was relying on them to guard over my wares I would be seriously concerned as to their safety, they do represent all that is crap in a potential employee. Poor attention spans, falling asleep on the job and a proven inability to follow instructions that means they could very well be up for the sack before the week is out.
Mikey and Richard are lifeguards by the pool with a cushy afternoon job. Their task mainly involves sitting on glorified high chairs in tight shorts while Richard consistently adjusts his testicles for the benefit of the viewing public. Imogen meanwhile has being given the task of toilet attendant, I’ll make no joke about it being a shitty job but being locked in the lavatory for her work shift has certainly left her with a reduced role in the house. Grace meanwhile is the Big Brother PR girl, a role which involves walking round the garden with placards (like the girls you see inbetween rounds at a boxing match), yet still she has used any opportunity to live up to her Queen Bitch role. Stirring the pot as and whenever she could.
Pete and Aisleyn have been busy in the garden tending the assorted flora and fauna which is a role which seems to appeal to Pete’s somewhat naturalistic side. His empathy with “anything that lives” has recently been something of a raised point considering his soured relationship with Lisa was caused amongst other things by the killing of a bee.
The hero of the task however has been Glyn, the cook. A man with no culinary experience whatsoever has been thrown in at the deep end and attacked his job with relish (did you see what I did there…relish..sigh). Slamming together a series of suspect looking meals including ropey toast. Interesting looking pasta dishes and of course supplying the housemates with drinks. His life experience is growing by the hour. What an accomplished young man he is.
Not.
The house has also provided its most disturbing moment so far as well. Sam it would seem was caught on camera, caught in the act of a bit of late night glazed eye hand action. The last thing the public needed to see was Mr Smiley cranking the handle just before bedtime.
Remember kids, don’t have nightmares.
