Return of The Mitchell Brothers...

It’s Johnny Allen week in Eastenders and the return of the Brothers Grim in the somewhat lumpier shape of the Mitchell Brothers. It would seem the lure of cash rather than artistic and critical acclaim has drawn Ross Kemp and Steve McFadden back from the lure of slightly ropey ITV dramas and pantomime to resurrect their hard case double act. Albeit a few years older and more than a few pounds heavier. This is not the lean mean fighting machine that graced our screens all those years ago, now we can only sit back and watch as the lovable rogues/thugs (delete as appropriate) stagger into action. This is of course one of those occasional “double hander” week long storylines, designed to bring back long departed characters and of course tie up lengthy and somewhat unwieldy storylines that need all their loopholes closing.

In this instance the storyline in need of resolution is the long-standing feud between the Mitchells and Johnny Allen. The ageing gangland boss played by Billy Murray who bowed out of the show after his character was beaten senseless by Dennis Rickman (Nigel Harman) and promptly stabbed in the heart under instruction by Allen as retribution for the act after getting his half sister Sharon pregnant and ready to start a new life in pastures new. Confused, well this is soap after all isn’t it?

So far the return of Phil and Grant has been more than a touch lukewarm and just a little on the implausible side. Phil is as ever ready to climb back into the bottle as a consequence of his guilt over young Den’s death, and Grant has returned from Rio with his daughter and a new touchy feely attitude to life.

If you read the tabloids then you’ll already know how this story pans out, and in all honesty on paper the storyline looked rather wobbly but I was hoping in execution it might have gathered a little muster. Oops, wrong again.

So far the Mitchell reunion has been patchy to say the least, an awkwardly written script has unveiled a common weakness in the Eastenders camp, character continuity can often fall by the wayside when you are dealing with larger characters. That’s the case here as the scriptwriters have made Grant Mitchell into something of a comedic foil for his tortured brother. Gone are the days of the moody stare and in come the days where we hear that in his absence Grant has undergone therapy to address the demons of his past (yes, that old chestnut. Dusted off and polished up for another outing).

Then of course there is the presence of Danny Moon played by Jake Maskall who was last seen getting kicked out of town after facing the wrong end of a gun held by Allen, he’s back and working for Johnny which is where credibility starts to pull and stretch like the elastic in a pair of Pat’s knickers (so sorry, there must be better analogies than that but you get what I’m on about). One fresh haircut and ill-fitting gangster suit later and he has suddenly becoming Allen’s number one henchman. Forgiving lot these soapsters aren’t they.

So far we’ve seen Phil and Grant go on a voyage of discovery with the obligatory beating up of an innocent civilian (he jokingly claimed Phil looked like one of Right Said Fred, but then when has he ever been that toned or that camp for that matter). The two brothers have stopped off and played golf (honest) and discussed the recent and convenient demise of “Kaffy” leaving his long lost son Ben back in the picture.

Then of course there is the return of Johnny Allen, obviously a gangster with deeper pockets than we might have first envisaged. He’s gone from humble Walford terrace to a decidedly minty Essex pad. Yep, while they’ve been away Johnny has been setting up mansion with his troubled (and permanently confused) daughter Ruby.

With a fresh start planned for the two of them Johnny has taken to a fetching line in pink casual wear and a sudden copious demand for vodka (back in the Square of course he never consumed anything stronger than orange juice). Despite the promises for a new open relationship with said daughter we see he keeps a rather conspicuous room on the ground floor locked (complete with a steel door). As a man with an alcoholic’s secret he keeps a stash of vodka large enough to slam dunk a herd of elephants…get this…in a display cabinet and next to this he keeps a safe loaded with guns. Nothing too obvious, right?

Someone really ought to define the terms “open and honest” to the writers, after all would his daughter really be that nonplussed as to twig what is going on?

By Tuesday we have the first confrontation between Phil and Johnny, during this episode Johnny calls Phil “a big fat liar” and “Filth Mitchell” (whilst in fetching pink sweater) showing that the modern day gangster has a tasty line in name calling. While in the kitchen outside the room Grant has tea and scones (no honestly) with Ruby and the two benefit from another of his touchy feely “confront your inner demons” conversations.

So as we prepare for Thursday’s shot of soap drama Phil’s got Johnny by the throat and the writers it would seem are having a bit of a giggle all the while as the characters drift further and further away from their ingrained origins. Yet as ever it’s undoubtedly a ratings grabber and like I mentioned at the beginning it’s getting a healthy slice of column inches and I don’t doubt for a moment that in my quest to absorb my weekly allowance of junk television I’ll be watching.