I have many friends who are perfectly happy in their relationships and
others, similar in many ways to the former group, who absolutely refuse
to get tied down. So what is it that makes us men so reluctant to
commit?
I think it was Alexander Dumas who once said; ‘all generalisations are
dangerous, including this one’ and I completely agree with him so what
follows is pure speculation based on my own experiences and various
alcohol-fuelled conversations over the years. I do not think it is
possible to sum up or encapsulate why some men avoid commitment, there
are many roads that lead to the single life and I do not imagine I will
cover them all here. I myself used to be terrified of commitment,
fearing it would limit my options and compromise my lifestyle but after
meeting the right woman I realised that although commitment requires
change, that change is far from a bad thing.
I know many people who believe that one of the fundamental differences
between men and women is the level of emotional maturity and I am
inclined to agree. When girls are acting all mature and talking about
boys they like, the boys in question are probably off somewhere playing
football or talking about what they would like to do to any one of
numerous girls they like. From an early age the emotional maturity of
males falls well below that of their female contemporaries and this
imbalance becomes a feature of all future relationships. Women talk
more about their feelings whereas men hide their emotions beneath
layers of bravado and overt masculinity so that what we say we want and
what we actually do want, deep down inside, rarely coincides. Men often
feel that relationships will impinge upon our simplistic existence of
sport, drinking and hanging out with our mates and although this is not
a problem for many women, who can be infinitely more tolerant than we
give them credit for, to us men it seems to pose and all or nothing
choice.
Ego also plays a big part in our inability to relinquish our single
status. The challenge posed by the possibility of new conquests, even
those that lead nowhere, can be sufficient incentive to remain free and
available. Not that this is particularly a bad thing, it just means we
still want to play the field and as long as we stick to the rules this
should not be a problem. Men are very visual creatures and our eyes
have a tendency to wander so it is not hard for us to get distracted on
a superficial level. The media also adds to this problem with
supermodels and sex-kittens in every magazine or on every television
programme. It is only when we realise that these fantasy women are
exactly that, a fantasy, can we expect to be happy with a real woman
who exists in the real world beyond the realms of the airbrush.
I know it sounds like a bit of a cop-out but I think one of the main
reasons a man will not commit is simply because he not met the right
woman, or more tragically he has but he just does not realise it. Most
single men can probably see themselves happily settled at some point in
the future but what is not clear is how they get there from their
current situation and this means it is hard to recognise that path when
we stumble across it. Maybe I’m a converted romantic but I truly
believe that all it takes is for the right woman comes along and then
commitment is no longer an issue. It certainly wasn’t for me.
